i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
