it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
