i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
