who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize