"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
