i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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