Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
