please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
