the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have demons in me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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