a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
