So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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