My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
