Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
