You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
