Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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