I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
