Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
