i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
