Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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