hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
