I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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