I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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