I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
