I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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