I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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