Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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