you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
