so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize