Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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