Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
