I want to make a zoo with you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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