If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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