I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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