I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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