Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
