I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
