At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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