My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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