I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
