i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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