I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the day after is always just damage control
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
