It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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