i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
