in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
