i was born a porn star she said
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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