I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
