Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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