I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How does it feel to date your dad?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
