I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
