Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
