coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
