Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize