I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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