i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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